ENTERTAINMENT

“Yeah, it’s true. I banged the crap out of Angelina Jolie” by Brad Pitt, Actor

Volkswagen Jettas with Dave Matthews Band Stickers Hit the 1,000,000 Mark

Ashton Kutcher: The Wrecked Highway Interview

Barbra Streisand: The Wrecked Highway Interview

“Super Size Me” Sequel – “Overdose Me!”

Wrecked Highway Special Report: 'Kabbalah' Hebrew for 'Scientology'

Paris Hilton: The Wrecked Highway Interview

Omarosa to take helm of Martha Stewart Omnimedia

Academy Demands Cuba Gooding Jr. Return His Oscar

Defiant Stern vows to whine about FCC forever

Joan and Melissa Rivers nearly clubbed unconscious by crazed, Oscar -wielding Peter Jackson

Gest/Minnelli Hailed as Nation’s First Gay Divorce

Croc Hunter and Jacko in Baby Dangle Bonanza

Justin Timberlake “Accidentally” Humps Janet Jackson after Super Bowl

ABC Executives Penciling In “Trista and Ryan’s Divorce” for November 2004 Sweeps

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins Arrested for Driving a Humvee over Bags of Puppies

Sinead O’Connor Retires – Fan Disappointed

Perverts rally around ailing Olsen

Hilton Sisters, Vin Diesel, and Trista Rehn Comprise Mensa's Newly Formed "Axis of Evil"

Alec Baldwin Finally Establishes Non-US Residence

Axl Rose Off Heroin, Still Struggling with Punctuality

SOCIETY

Metrosexuals Storm Capitol Demanding Equal Rights

New York City Announces Special New High School for the Awkward, Antisocial, and Obese

New Whiskey and Cocaine Diet Latest Weight-loss Fad

Oscar Party in South Beach Turns Dangerously Gay

Craigslist Reworks Personals Categories

“Birds and Bees” Curriculum Expands to Include Anal

Levi Strauss announces Krispy Kreme Editon Jeans

NEA and Artists Union to Crack Down on Performance-Enhancing Drug Use

A Photojournalistsic look at the signs of the world

Pfizer announces Viagra for Black Men - Even the Pill is Huge

Husband Plans Demonstration Against Exclusion from Wife’s Book Club

THE YUPPIE DOUCHEBAG CHRONICLES

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles (Vol. I)

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles (Vol. II)

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles (Vol. III)

The Yuppie Douchebag Does Thanksgiving

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles Vol. V

The Yuppie Douchebag Hits the Super Bowl

The Yuppie Douchebag Hits More Than Just the Oscars

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles (Tasers ‘R’ US)

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles - Memorial Day Special

Yuppie Douchebag Chronicles - Cash and Kerry

SPORTS

Pats Win Three Bowls, Sox Finally Win World Series; My Life Still F'in Sucks

NFL Orders Patriots Coach Bill Belichick to Undergo Partial Frontal Lobotomy

Palestinians Eagerly Await Start of Fantasy Suicide Bomber Season

NFL’s Cerebral Image Shattered by Shockey’s Homophobic Comments

Wrecked Highway Exclusive: 2004 Cowboys Playbook also to Feature Towelhead, Wop, and Wetback Plays

Fantasy Sports Reach Historic Milestone with First Female Participant

Patriots Release Lifelong Fan Lenny Mack

Authorities Derail Group’s Plot to Suicide Bomb Yankees Spring Training Facility

Super Bowl Monday: Reflections on a Bender

Kobe’s Shocking New Defense: O.J. Did It

Raiders Blaming Super Bowl Loss on Unfair "Interception Rule"

Annika Sorenstam to Endorse New Ping Titanium Strap-on

NBC Sports To Spend $500 Million on New Indoor Cricket League

POLITICS

Clinton Admits to Affair with ‘Kid for Kerry’ Ilana Wexler

Sen. Kennedy To Team with OJ Simpson for Seminar Series: “Convicted Only By Guilt?”

Bush caught smoking crack while sodomizing 15 year old whore; widens lead to 10 points over Kerry

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia Refuses to Recuse Himself from Phish Summer Tour

George W. Bush to Blow John Ashcroft in Pay Per View Extravaganza

DNC Officials in Cahoots with Bin Laden

Congress Votes to Recall California; Sells State Back to Mexico

President Bush on the Mend After Three-day Bender

Chico’s Bail Bonds to Sponsor Group of 2004 Democratic Presidential Candidates

Bay Area to Secede from United States

Test Your Michael Moore IQ

OPINION

“Don’t even think you’re more pissed off than me about the election”

Theresa Heinz Kerry is the American Dream by Paris Hilton

Holy Fucking Shit is that Howard Dean Insane by Frank Shipman

The Democratic Candidates Ain't Nothing But a Bunch of Fucking Pussies by Frank Shipman

"I am fucking sick to death of Subway" by Jared Fogel

WORLD

E-Z Bake Oven Sales Soar in North Korea

Hamas Draws Straws to Determine New Leader

Vermont Model UN Uncovers WMDs

Special Report: Saddam Had Paris Hilton Video

“We will not rest until every Jew pig is dead” Declaration Stalls Middle East Peace Talks

Saddam Hussein Accepts Exile in Nantucket