Price is Right Host Bob Barker “Really Fucking Pissed Off”
Washington, DC - In a continued effort to legislate his beliefs on the sanctity of life, the 43rd president George W. Bush has asked Congress to enact legislation that would outlaw the common practice of removing the reproductive systems of common house pets. While seemingly barbaric, this practice is generally accepted in society as a means to keep down the number of stray pets running around hungry and causing mischief.
The first person to speak out publicly against such legislation was long time Price is Right host Bob Barker, who is so dedicated to this issue that he signed off his game show for years by imploring his fans to “keep their pets spayed and neutered.”
“This really fucking pisses me off and is a direct slap in my face,” stated Barker. “I could have chosen the cause of poverty, of the environment, of national defense to keep my loyal fans committed to a higher cause. But no, I begged them to fight for domestic animal population control. Why? Why? I have no fucking idea. I can’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday.”
Bush officials countered by arguing that what could demonstrate the love of the common house pet by desiring more of them around. Nine-year-old Elisabeth Bruning of Chicago, IL, echoed the administration’s sentiment with the following statement: “This is the most super legislation ever! Who could not want to live in a world with more puppies and kittens?”
“This is just more evidence that that George W. Bush needs to be slathered in meat drippings and fed to a dozen Siberian Tigers,” commented PETA spokesperson and erstwhile Rocker Chrissie Hynde. “If he knew his ass from his elbow, he would know that the only way to maintain healthy pet populations is to destroy their reproductive organs.”
“This is great day for my people and even our enemies, the canines,” said Morris the Cat, in a statement issued through his spokesman. “To all my fellow domesticated cats and even the dogs, “Our long national nightmare is over, the collective fucking will soon begin again!”
