Somewhere in Pakistan – Al Qaeda officials today confirmed that documentary filmmaker and self-proclaimed muckraker Michael Moore was selected to keynote their 2005 National Convention to take place sometime this fall. The speech will kick off the conference and detail the evil of America’s presence and policy in the world. Mr. Moore will also elaborate on his well known statements on why Americans are “possibly the dumbest people on the planet," and how “this country of (his), which is known for bringing sadness and misery to places around the globe.'' The session will conclude with a book signing of Mr. Moore’s “Dude, Where’s My Country.”

Now in its fourth year, the convention gathers members to share tips and tricks on how to destroy The Great Satan and its Zionist partner. Some of the more popular sessions include:

-Infidels Eating Pork: The Perfect Storm aand How to Strike Quickly
-Child Suicide Bombers: Weapon of the Futuure?
-Focus on Zionist Pigs Part I: 101 Reasonss Why Jews Are Ruining Your Life
-Focus on Zionist Pigs Part II: 101 Reasonns Why Jews Will Surely Burn in Hell, Allah Akbar

“We were looking for someone who could really inflame the Anti-American hatred that is always stirring in our souls,” proclaimed Al Qaeda CEO Osama Bin Laden. “I always felt a kinship with him because we both share a seething passion for the desire to see America fail. His Web site brings me much joy each time I visit. Of course, he is one fat infidel and we hope he won’t eat all the lamb curry at the meet and greet, Allah Akbar.”

While convention planners considered such traditional convention locations as New Orleans and Las Vegas, they settled on a remote valley in the Peshawar Region of Pakistan.

“I think it’s important for Al-Qaeda to understand that there are Americans who share their hatred for what America represents,” commented Michael Moore. “Dissent is the purest form of Patriotism, and if I can use my time to inspire them to achieve such an act of horrific violence against America that we finally get a democratic president in 2008, then the trip will pay for itself.”